Glacier

I had a photoshoot todaaaaaay!
It was wonderful.
Actually I've had four this month, but I'll post about those later. This one's the most exciting.
 SO HERE YA GO.

Narciso Arguelles took the photos, and Amanda McKinney did my makeup. They're both wonderful. :3

Hopey you likeys!

Just Another

Sometimes I feel  like just another.
Another pretty face.
Another warm smile.
Another loud voice.
Another half-broken girl, striving to be good enough for someone.

Anyone.

Why?

Why do I need to be good enough for anyone besides me?
Why can't I live with myself unless someone else can live with me?
And why does no one want to?

Is something wrong with me?

Can I fix it?

Or am I just permanently obnoxious, insensitive, ungrateful, selfish, passive-aggressive, and far too prideful or underconfident for anyone to ever look twice at me?

And why do I care who looks twice at me?

Porcelain Face

This is the first section of a devotional short story I'm working on. This is unedited, so it might be a little rough. See what you think.
~~

Once, not long ago, the God of ages created a girl, with a beautiful porcelain face. She trusted Him and never turned her flawless gaze from her Creator. He fed her with Scripture, and strengthened her with His unwavering Love. As she began to learn to walk, the Lord took tiny steps away from her, and she matched His steps, following Him devotedly. But her steps were shaky, and each one made her stronger as she chased her God.

Until one day, as she lifted her foot to follow her Creator's footsteps, the Accuser slithered under her, and when she set down her foot, he snatched her ankle and dragged her from her feet, his searing grip staining her perfect skin with ugly, painful burns. As she fell, she cried out for her Lord to save her, but He simply watched her precious face as it struck the concrete and was dragged away.

"Let me go!" she pleaded, realizing with horror that the impact of her fall had weakened the porcelain of which she was made, and along her jawline there slid a long hairline fracture.

The Accuser laughed at her. "Do you really wish for me to release you? You have been flawed, you've ruined your perfect face! Your God will not want you now!"

She gritted her teeth against the pain of his hand on her skin. "Let me go!" she repeated squirming in his grasp.

"Very well." And he dropped her, vanishing as quickly as he had appeared, leaving her alone, crumpled on the dirty pavement. As she pulled herself up, her finger traced the fracture on her jaw. "I am broken," she whimpered. "That creature is right, my God will never accept me in this state. I must find someone who can make me whole again, so that I may once again appear before my Creator." So, with shaking steps, the girl set off down the dull sidewalk, in search of someone who could fix her.

The Wanderer

God is just so patient with me.
All the time.
It's a good thing, too, because I am notorious for wandering in search of affirmation.

He lets me go as I please.
He endures my wretched screaming and two-year-old temper tantrums when I can't find the satisfaction I seek in the earthly things around me.
Then, when I turn back to Him for the thousandth time and say, "Oh, you have what I'm looking for, huh? I'm sorry I wandered again..." He scoops me into His arms and holds me and kisses me and reminds me, for the thousandth time, "You are my precious Child, the Beloved, and I delight in you."

Then, the next day when I've wandered again and I scream up at Him in frustration, "Remind me who I am!" He screams back, "You are MY CHILD, and I LOVE YOU!"

And the day after that when I've gone and run away again searching for something I can hold in my hands that will tell me that I am valuable, something that can wrap its arms around me and tell me that I'm worth something, and I lash out at the things around me for not having what I want, God watches quietly,  and gently places some little reminder in my life that says, "Hey. You're my baby girl, and I'm proud of you."
And I stop in my tracks, let out a breath and smile, shaking my head. "I ran away again, didn't I?"
"It's all right, my Child. You're back now, and I love you."
"I love you, too."

And every time I turn back to God and find that He's still standing right there, very patiently waiting for me to return and allow Him to love me again, I'm struck by just how patient the Lord must be to endure the constant abuse of my continual abandonment. I mean, obviously He's powerful enough that He could keep me to Himself if He wanted to. But He doesn't. He simply allows me to wander off on the repetitive and fruitless attempts to find something in the material world that will affirm my worth. He never gets frustrated with me and yells at me, "Don't you get it?!" He never rolls his eyes or thinks I'm stupid. He just sighs and waits patiently, receiving me back into His arms with love and affirmation the same on the tenth time as on the millionth time.

My God has so much patience with me.

Maybe eventually I'll learn how not to let my eyes wander.
That'll be the day, won't it?

Sometimes

Sometimes I want to scream obscenities at the top of my lungs at every single person who walks past me.
Sometimes I want to rip my face off and throw it through a paper shredder,

AND SEE HOW MANY OF YOU LIKE ME THEN.
See how many of my 'friends' really are lying.
How many are just waiting around for me to fall for them.

Do you REALIZE how DEGRADING that is?
I'm not worth just being friends with; I'm only worth the possibility of getting me in BED.

Do you KNOW how many friends I've lost by refusing to bed them?
At least three in two weeks.
In two weeks, THREE friends not friends anymore. Two of them not speaking to me. Those same two had been my friends for about a year, maybe a little less.
I counted them among my good friends.

NOPE.
Just after a relationship.
Both of them just waiting around for me to date them.

I really valued their friendship.

The third was just a potential friend, so I'm less upset about that, but still.

Why am I unfriendable?

Why is it so hard to conceive that all I want is some companionship, without having to put out all the time? Why do I have to BUY my friends with SEX?!

THAT IS WRONG.

The Runaway Bunny

I had never really thought about the parable of the Prodigal Son in the way I did last night.
I had always assumed I was the elder brother. You know, the one who stays at home and does everything right and is rewarded at the end with a reassuring speech from the Father (who is God, in case anyone was unsure about that part).

But I'm afraid I've been baby brother.

I've squandered the gifts God gave me on trying to get attention (usually male attention, admittedly), trying to seek affirmation in all the wrong places. Because I knew I needed something, I still need something, so I went out in search of it.
But when the famine struck and I found no one who would smile at me and tell me how beautiful I was with a pat and a kiss every day, I floundered. I didn't know what to do. I grew "hungry," and desperate, and began taking compliments from anyone, devouring them ravenously as though a casual "You look cute today" from someone I didn't even like would be enough to keep me alive.
I knew it wouldn't.

And I thought in my selfish little brain, "How come my Christian friends always seem so satisfied? Why doesn't God sustain me like that?"

Little by little I realized, it was because I had refused to accept it. I hadn't been looking for God's loving embrace, His constant, genuine affirmations, of "You are my Child, the Beloved."
Well, there they were, the second I thought to look. God came running out to greet me on my shameful limp up the driveway (I always imagine the house in this story as having a really long driveway), and scooped me up in His arms, kissed my tears and whispered, "My Child, my baby girl, my sweet adored angel, how I've missed you!"

No one's love is more genuine.
Humans had failed me, time and again, but my Father, my perfect Savior, He never fails me.

If I hide among the crocuses in a secret garden, He is the Gardener and He finds me.
If I become a bird and flutter away in the distance, He is the Tree in which I rest my wings.
If I become a fish and swim away, He is the Fisherman, the Fisher of Men, who catches me.
When I am a little girl and I run away into a house, He is my Daddy, and he listens to me cry, and pets my hair, and tells me it's all alright.

The Lord will never fail me.
And there is nothing I can ever do, nowhere I can ever go, that will separate me from His love.
I have only to open my eyes and look for it, and there He is, running to meet me and say to me, "Sweetheart, how I missed you!"

So the next time you feel hungry, that you're missing the sustaining love that motivates you, just turn around, invite God back into your life and your heart, look for His blessings, and He will come running to you to hold you and tell you, "My dear, beloved Child, I missed you so."

Amen.

Update

Alrighty guys.
I've been on my lithium for about six days now, and I wanted to update you guys on how that's going.

All two of you.

I have found that if I want people to read my posts, I share them on Facebook. Otherwise, it's just the two of you who are following this.

So for those concerned two of you, here's an update for my lithium stuff.

It's too early to tell if it's legitimately working, but I haven't had any violent emotional altercations since Tuesday. But I frequently go that long (four days) being relatively level and that doesn't mean anything. I could just as quickly go totally manic tomorrow.

But I hope not.

Things I HAVE noticed about the lithium:

It makes my hands shake. Sometimes worse than others, and not having food in my body definitely makes it worse, but the lithium definitely makes my hands shake. It makes it difficult to put on my make up in the morning. And today I could barely drink out of a glass because the glass kept knocking against my teeth. It's never been as bad as it was this morning. Hopefully that'll go away as my body adjusts to the new lithium levels in my body.

I've been hungry a lot. I don't know if that's due to the lithium or just because I'm a poor college student eating lots of insubstantial junk all day long and my body says, "Um, where's the food? This is cardboard..."


My mom says my lithium will react with grapefruit juice.
Good thing I hate grapefruit juice.

So yeah. Just wanted to give y'all a report on how the drugs are going so far.

My hands are shaking.
That is all.

Love y'all.
~Katy

God and Suffering

I need to talk about this. This has been really heavy on my heart lately (in lieu of recent events with my mental health), and I feel like this is something that needs to be said and re-said for the sake of all of us.

When I suffer (especially when it's related to my mental disease), I have a tendency to go, "Well, why doesn't God fix it? Is He punishing me or teaching me or purifying me? What is He doing that He is allowing me to suffer so badly?" And then I listen to songs on the radio that go, "Yeah, I'm suffering, but my faith in God will make it better." Or something to that extent. That God could fix me.

And I know God could fix me if He wanted to.
So my selfish little mind of course goes, "Why am I not better by now? I have the faith that God could do it, why am I not fixed now?" Like it's a formula. Problem+faith in God=problem fixed, right?

NO.

That's not how God operates. If He gave us everything we asked for right when we asked for it, what kind of a world would this be, huh? Sometimes we will ask for stuff, and we can have the strongest faith in the world, but it doesn't fit into God's plan to let us have that right when we ask for it.

My favorite radio DJ of all time is Brant Hansen from Air1, and he is undoubtably one of the biggest role models in my life (I'm sure he has no idea, but he has tweeted at me before when I tweeted him questions! Brant, if you're reading this, I'm JesusFreek317. You said I ask good questions.). He answered one of my tweets once that asked (in fewer words), "If God has forgiven us all of our flaws, why do the flaws persist? Especially the bad ones, like mental disease? If I am forgiven and made whole in God's presence, why does God still allow me to suffer?" And Brant answered me, "He uses our weaknesses to glorify Him. If I do something because I am awesome, I get credit."

That stuck a chord with me. That answer resonated with me, hard.

It isn't the comfort I had hoped for.
But then, how often are the answers to the tough questions really comforting?

This answer meant that God would allow me to continue to suffer, maybe indefinitely, to demonstrate to those around me that even when their suffering is great, is massive, is more than they know they could POSSIBLY handle on their own, there is a God who will give them just enough strength to get through it, and through that, through the fact that I have somehow managed to endure far more than should ever be humanly possible, God is glorified, because He has not only gotten me through it, He made His light shine through me in the process.

It reminds me of the story of the widow of Sarepta in First Kings 17. When Elijah first approaches her and asks for an offering, she tells him she has nothing to give. She has just enough flour and oil to make some bread for herself and her son, and after that, it was over. There would be nothing left, and they would both die. But Elijah tells her, "No, it's okay. Make a little something for me first, then for yourself and your son. The Lord won't let you run out." And God didn't. For months Elijah lived with that little family--a widow and her son--on the flour and oil that was supposed to have run out that first night. Because every time she took some out of the jar, there was still a little left at the bottom. God never fills the jar all the way back up, but there's still a little left at the bottom.
But the miracle doesn't stop there. Later on, as this woman is still watching the bottom of that jar very carefully for the day there's no more, her son--the only thing she has in the entire world--sickens and dies. And she lashes out at Elijah for taking him away from her. She curses and screams at him, accuses him, asking why he would do this to her, why, when he had sustained her on next to nothing, left her hanging by a thread for months on this stupid jar, would he take her entire world away? And Elijah goes upstairs to where the little boy is lying dead, and cries out to God. And God brings her son back, and Elijah hands him back to her.

Notice something about this story.
The status quo never changes.
The jar never fills back up. Even after her son is brought back nothing else happens. And when the rains come and the fields start producing again, the jar stops leaving just a little at the bottom, because they can take care of themselves now, and the world will go back to just how it had been before Elijah got there.
Except for one thing.

For the rest of her life, that widow will know that she witnessed a miracle, and that the Lord looks favorably on her. She will know, forever, that no matter how close to empty the jar gets, no matter if she thinks she's spent everything she has, every ounce of strength, determination, even faith is about to run out, the Lord will sustain her. By a thread. And in her suffering, her daily struggle with starvation, God will be glorified. All who see her will say, "That is the one whose son was raised, whom the Lord sustains from death." And they will know that the Lord is good, and He is merciful.


May it be so with me.
That when people see me, and they know my suffering, that they can look at me and say, "You know, I'm pretty sure if she didn't have God in her life she wouldn't keep getting up every morning." And they will see God working in me, healing me just enough each day to keep me going, and they will know that the Lord is good and merciful in me.

"I hope that they see You in me." ~Thousand Foot Krutch


May it be so with me.
Amen.

Well

So far, the pills do not work.

I had a horrible manic attack today, and I did something I have never done before in my entire life, and I hope I will never do again.
I skipped a class.
For no other reason than that I was so angry at the moment that I knew I would not be able to get through that class without standing up and screaming my throat out at the person next to me. But that person doesn't read this blog. He doesn't care about me in the slightest. I might annoy him. I'm not sure. I can't figure him out, but I know he doesn't give a s*** about me. That I know for sure, and I wish he would quit toying with me and just go away.
You know how sometimes you wish you could just erase a person from your memory? My life would be so much better if he had never been in it. Or if everything had ended over the summer and he'd gone away after that. He's twisting my brain around in directions I thought I had decided not to go.

Yes, my codependency is getting worse.
I don't like it.
I'm supposed to be better.
So why does he have to go and make me feel like dirt all the time?!

I'M NOT DIRT, I'M NOT DIRT, I'M NOT DIRT.

And I don't belong to him. He doesn't even want me. He probably hates me. I don't know why I CAN'T STAND the fact that he doesn't like me. Why doesn't he like me? What's wrong with me? Am I not attractive? Why?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? There must be something wrong with me.

Mk.

Just...not sure about crap right now.

THANKFULLY tomorrow I go to the doctor and maybe get some meds to help my apparently much-more-broken-than-I-thought little head. I love being broken. That means I can be fixed. Apparently the universe doesn't actually suck this much for normal people and I'm NOT just being a weak, whiny, oversensitive little attention-freak.

As a very wise person once told me, "If someone is begging for attention, we should probably pay attention. They might need something." Guess I need something. And hopefully it's just a little serotonin that we can just throw right back into my bloodstream and get me working normally.

Honestly, I'm a little freaked out, because I've been broken for as long as I can remember...I don't know how things will look when I function properly. Will I just no longer care about what people are saying about me behind my back, or will they just instantaneously stop hating me and no longer talk about me behind my back? Will I suddenly have friends or will I just stop being so ungrateful and appreciate the friends I already have? Will I all of a sudden stop being such a crappy, miserable, irresponsible, whiny, selfish, hateful, antisocial freak? There are some things I'm not sure even pills can fix. I mean, I'm inherently a bad person. It's a fact. Pills can't change facts. So will I just suddenly be fine with being a terrible excuse for a human being, or will I miraculously be changed into a decent creature with some form of redeeming values?

See, this is a problem. This is how my mind works. Half the time I'm bitter and blame the rest of the world for hurting me so much all the time, and half the time I blame myself for being such a sick heartless piece of filth and I believe I deserve much worse than what the world gives me. I guess that's what being manic-depressive is? Manic is hating other people and depressive is hating myself? Maybe? Maybe they are both just miseries, but one is misery on too much caffeine and the other is misery on not enough sleep. Oh hey. I'm in college. Those things happen a lot.

Should I even publish this? I mean, nobody cares about my feelings and it's just whining anyway. It's just making other people feel bad who haven't done anything wrong and annoying and pissing off everyone else who don't give a flying monkey if I fall off a building into a bathtub of quicklime. But it makes me feel better, for some reason, for people to understand what I'm going through. It makes me less inclined to snap like a rubber band and fly off the deep end and throw myself in front of a bus.

Or something.

I'm so lonely.
Maybe that's what it is.

Love you guys.
I promise I won't actually jump in front of a bus.
Hopefully I'll get fixed tomorrow.
<3
Katy

I'm not sure

I'm not sure about things.

I'm not sure why I'm telling you this.

Maybe it's because you stopped answering my letters when you saw my face again.

I'm not sure if this is poetry or prose.

Maybe it's just what's coming out of my fingertips, unbidden and unfettered.

I'm not sure if I'm up or down.

Maybe it doesn't matter, they both hurt.

I'm not sure if he's not answering me because he's dead on the highway or he just doesn't notice.

Maybe I should try one of the other men who have been clamoring for my attention.

BUT NOBODY SEES ME LIKE HE DOES.

Yes, the ups and downs matter!

I miss your letters!

And I'm only half-forcing these words onto the page. The rest comes from a leaky soul, whose ink leaks through my perfect fingernails, clacking unprofessionally against the wrong letters.

Awake, oh my soul, arise!

He formed you in HIS image to LOVE and BE LOVED!





Awake, O my soul, and bless the Lord.

Don't know why I never posted this on here

This is my rendition of a little story that came in one of my devotionals. It's my own wording, but the plot/moral is an old folk tale, I think.
~

A king took a stroll in his garden one day and noticed that something was amiss. Everything in his garden, from the spreading oak to the climbing trumpet-vines to the proud rose bushes to the sweet willow tree, had faded and fallen and looked to be on the point of death. The king was shocked, and deeply concerned. He dashed to the spreading oak and asked it, "Oh, spreading oak, what ails you, my friend?"

The sad tree looked down at his king and sighed miserably, "Oh king, I can no longer live. I have determined to die for I am not at all like the climbing trumpet-vines in their supple sweetness and many blooms. The children of the court love to run to the trumpet-vine and watch the hummingbirds as they drink. I am nothing like the trumpet-vine, so I wish to be no more."

The king, greatly disturbed by this, turned to the dying trumpet-vine and asked it, "Dear trumpet-vine, what has brought you to this sorry state?"

The withering vine looked up at the king and wailed, "Oh king, I refuse to live. I hate my weak, unprotected stems and my delicate flowers. I wish to be like the proud rose, with its stems of thorns and many rows of petals in its flowers. The children love to run to the rose and smell it, but none dare touch it for the rose's powerful armor! I shall die because I cannot be a rose."

Even more distraught, the king asked the rose why it had brought itself to the point of death. The rose replied, "It is lonely being so proud. I am envious of the willow's long branches and the shade it produces within its curtain of vines. The children run to it and sit beneath it and whisper sweet things to each other, but they will not come near me, and I cannot hear their sweet whisperings. I have decided that the life of a rose is not worth living, and I wish to die."

The king stood, dumbfounded. As he looked around his garden, everything else had likewise decided to bring itself to destruction because it was not some other agent of the garden. Everywhere he looked, envy was murdering his beloved plants. Finally, as he reeled in horror, he noticed a fresh, cheerful face looking up at him. It was a single violet, standing as tall as its diminutive stem would allow it, looking up at the king with a smile on its face.

"Dear little violet, have you not decided like the rest of the garden that you wish to be something you are not?" the king asked, bending over it tenderly.

The little violet smiled sweetly. "No, my king. I have decided that if you, in your great wisdom, had wanted a trumpet-vine or a spreading oak or a rosebush in this spot, you would have planted one. But instead you chose to plant me, a shy little single-stemmed violet. If I am what your heart desires in your garden, why should I wish to be anything else? I shall simply try my very hardest to be the best little violet I can be, to please Your Majesty."

The king smiled down at the little violet and nodded. "That is exactly right, my little violet. And you alone of all of my garden flowers have done as I wished for you to do."

BECAUSE THIS POEM ROCKS

Hashtag #you
Hashtag #me
#us

We tweet our love, since we cannot scream from rooftops
for fear that people would hear us
and tattle.

But they can't take away your fingers
or the lines of experience on your shoulders
the engine revs
that I hate so much.

Blink at me
Because one eye sees better in the dark.
Set me on your left side
So you can see the folds of my skirt
and the way my fingers
scribble foreign blessings across your knees.

Sometimes wings don't have to fly
When the tree branch is steady and comfortable
Not clipped, just folded
I've never heard a more beautiful plea
than "stay with me."

Guys

I AM SO STRESSED OUT RIGHT NOW.

I am POSITIVE I'm forgetting some kind of homework and honestly I'm not sure I care enough to actually look up what it is.

I'm driving myself crazy.

I'm going to fail the semester.

I need pills.

Is this where the interstate ends?

I'm so lonely I've given up missing the people who can come to me.

My claws reach for motorcycles, in desperate need of feminism.

The more I check my phone, the fewer ghosts kiss my eyelids.

I want you to kiss me.

Fire hurts, and that's why I turn my eyes to champagne when you look at them.

I'd let you bruise me.

Every motion of your fingers is enough to distract me for days.

Is it possible to be in love with your best friend and only kiss on the cheek forever?

You're going to die, and I don't want to be there when it happens.

But I can't stand not having you in my sight every second of the day.

---

The first in my poetry collection of blog posts. Expect more weirdness like this.

Tell me again about the rabbits...

I'm considering beginning to post random chunks of poetry on this blog just for fun. I mean, a whole two people read this so I don't know why I even bother sometimes.
Matthew, I hope you know how freaking much I love you that I keep writing this thing for you. It's my little online diary just for you.
My sister doesn't even read it anymore.
She read all of my posts a little while ago because she had a nightmare that I posted on here that I was pregnant and everyone knew before her because they all read my blog and she didn't. But then she saw me the next day and I confirmed that I was not actually pregnant, so she stopped reading again.
Not that I blame her, she's awfully busy being incredibly awesome super talented drum major self. No big deal.

Have you ever had that person that you just can't stand to not have in your life but you're not sure why? Mine's back in my life. I'm really glad. Both of them, actually. And I lurvs them both. One of them's you, Matthew, so gimme a smile. The other one doesn't read this blog. GASP OF SHOCK. Not really.

My clock fell off my wall. Again. This time it's because it was actually too heavy for the hook I used. Broke the hook in half. Craziness. So I have it on a bigger hook now. Hopefully now it will stay on my wall.

I'm drowning in coursework. I can't keep everything straight. I'm missing due dates already. It's killing me. I need to keep my scholarship.

Anyway.

Love you all.
Katy

Mk guys

It's late, and I shouldn't be blogging.
But I just wanted to add a little comment on here about how much I love being a religion major and how much I can't wait to get further into my schooling and my classes.
But I'm really tired.
It's a lot of work, and I'm not really great at reading for long periods of time, because it makes me fall asleep. Inexplicably.
But I have discovered that if I play music while I read, although it slows my progress a little bit, it keeps me awake, so I can read for longer at a time. Which actually makes me more productive even though I read slower.
So that helps.
I read for like four hours today.
And I'm writing a story.
I will post the entirety of it on this blog when it is finished.
It is a devotional story, so it will be about God and my take on life and God.
Wanted to tell you guys about that.
I can't wait to learn all about the Bible. It's so awesome. I love God so freaking much, you guys.
So freaking much.
And He loves us.
Oh, how He loves us.

Amen.

Love y'all,
Katy

OCUPROBS

Mk.

I know this school ain't known for its convenience. But REALLY.

They couldn't fix the shower over the summer instead of five days after I'd already moved in?

I have moved living spaces THREE TIMES in the last two weeks. Once from home to what I thought was my dorm, once from what I thought was my dorm to what was actually my dorm (that one was actually just my mistake; I read the numbers on the door wrong LOL but really), and then once BACK OUT OF my dorm and back home. So I will have to move AGAIN before the week is over. Hopefully before the week is over. Which means by next month. I have no faith in the school right now.

And just in case you weren't aware, MOVING SUCKS. I have zero upper body strength and I am very small to begin with, so I'm moving things that have as much or more mass than I do, generally speaking with only one person to help (maybe two, if some of my sisters want to lend me a hand), and sometimes all by myself because I'm too prideful to ask for help.

But seriously y'all. OverCommittedUniversity has become OppositeofConvenientUniversity. It's just SO ANNOYING. I mean, what were they doing all summer that they couldn't come replace the shower? ARGH.

On an unrelated note, classes started today and I get to have one class a week with my bestest friend from high school, a Mr. Matthew Hewes. Yay! He let me hug him today. Which is the first time I've hugged him with permission, and only the second time ever. Last time I didn't ask first. But he's had a year of basic training and does tae kwon do (yes, I'm sure I spelled that wrong, but you know what I'm talking about), and so it is probably not a good idea to be invading his space without asking.\


...I need to clip my nails. For serious.

Oh, and Matthew, the heels didn't even make it all day. I'm going to Evensong in sweatpants.

Love y'all.
~Katy

Fourth Grade Science

IT'S TRUE, Y'ALL.

Do you guys remember this, I learned it in elementary school (so I just picked fourth grade because it was a particularly horrible year for me), that when you look at someone to whom you are naturally and genuinely attracted, you pupils dilate? I remember staring at every guy's eyeballs for weeks after I learned that to see if anyone liked me.

WELL,
For the first time in my life I experienced this scientific fact in person. Nick and I were hanging together, having some pretty intense soul-bearing conversations (you know the kind that you have when you're sensing that the relationship is starting to get kinda serious and they want to know all of your dirty little secrets and help you carry your baggage, yeah, that kind) and we lock eyes for a minute, and I am absolutely shocked to see his pupils practically double in size within about two seconds. I mean, holy WOW.
In my head I was kind of like, "Well, maybe the light was in his eyes or something," which is totally inaccurate because if the light was in his eyes his pupils would have shrunk, but I couldn't think of any other way to rationalize what had just happened, so I break eye contact to give him like a hug or a kiss on the cheek or something, I don't remember. We chat for a little while longer, and then the very next time we make meaningful eye contact, his pupils go WHOOM. Huge. Instantly. I couldn't get over it. Every single time he looked at me his pupils exploded.

I mean, how incredibly amazing is that? As if I needed another reason to believe that this guy isn't a lying manipulative heartless dick-brained asshole like the rest of the male population that shows interest in me, every time he looks at me he proves that the science I learned in fifth grade isn't all bogus. I mean, his pupils got HUGE. Every time. I wanted to cry I was so happy. I couldn't stop hugging him. So happy.

So, I'm not gonna make any predictions or anything, but I have a cautiously really good feeling about this guy. Still cautious, though. I mean, technically I had a good feeling about Travis for the first six months, too. But I have better skills now, and I still don't need anybody. That's a big difference between then and now. I don't need a guy now. I just like having one. So, I mean, I think I'm set.

And I'm pretty sure my pupils dilate when I look at Nick, too. Jus' sayin'.

Love y'all.
Katy

Long series of short comments

A couple (*one) of my friends has been requesting more posts on here lately, so I'm gonna go ahead and just start typing and hope I can think of something interesting to say.

I shall begin with an amusing anecdote.

My sister had a band exhibition today and it was lovely. I was so proud of her and her little drum major self. She is the bee's knees. She directed, she carried the metronome around, and she marched and generally was just totally awesome. Then afterward I was chatting with one of her friends who's a total goofball, and while we were talking the staff dumped the water coolers out onto the track, which is made of red rubber stuff, and it made the track all shiny. Plus the sun was setting so it was reflecting on the water and making it silvery, and it just didn't look clear. So he said, "I'm not sure that's water," and I looked at it and it was all shiny and red and I said, (in a really creepy voice) "It's blooood." Well Collin gave me this look, and I thought he was going to say something along the lines of, "That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard," or "You're so gross," or something like that, and instead he says to me in the most serious voice, "Um, unicorn blood maybe. It's silver." As if it were the most obvious thing in the world. And it made me laugh. He really is a most wonderful thing. I love him.

My sister has the goofiest tan line on her legs because she wears braces on both knees because her knees are crooked. So now she has knee brace tans, and it's the cutest thing I've ever seen.

I'm seeing this guy named Nick now. He's a cutie. He's super sweet to me. Sometimes he seems a little slow, but he's a crazy nice person, which is good enough for me. Anybody who doesn't treat me like a piece of meat.

I made a dress this week. It's white and it has a collar. I don't know if you've ever tried to make a collar before, but IT IS REALLY HARD. It has all sorts of crazy steps and tucks and turns and it's really crazy. But the dress is gorgeous and it's all done and I'm happy.

I'm getting really tired of all the hateful politics on my Facebook. It's driving my crazy. I'm so tired of everyone being mad at everyone else. Why can't we all just get over ourselves and learn how to say, "That's fine. Let's talk about something else"? I mean, Nick isn't religious. He doesn't go to church. He doesn't worship my God. And guess what? WE GET ALONG JUST FINE. He lets me talk about my faith, says something like, "That's interesting," or "I think it's so hot that you can defend your views with well thought-out commentary." And then he might ask a question or we talk about something else. If he had a different faith I'd let him talk about it to me, but he's pretty just...areligious. He just doesn't have a faith, you know? So there's not really anything to describe. So it is possible to get along with someone who has different beliefs as long as you can manage to suppress the urge to just get mad at them for no reason.

I feel like I haven't loved people enough this summer. I got that song stuck in my head the other day, "And they'll know we are Christians by our love," and it made me remember all those people that would say, "That person is so nice, they're such a strong Christian, they're really nice to everybody," and it made me feel like I have somehow fallen short in my Christian love (not that it takes much to make me feel like a failure), but I really want to start being more loving towards people, but then I just have way too much emotional personal space to actually be nice to everyone because half the people I talk to make me feel really awkward so I make up some weird excuse to not talk to them. I'm such a hypocrite. How am I ever going to be a pastor? I can only talk to perfect people.

RECRUITMENT IS COMING UP. I'm excited. I'm gonna get littles. Or little. My pledge class is so big that if the incoming pledge class isn't big enough not everyone who wants twins will get them. I hope I get twins. I need double the surface area upon which to lavish my adoration.

So I just began this project on Facebook. I posted this status that said anybody who "likes" or comments on my status I will send them a message with everything that I like about them. Or some of the things anyway. Most people there's no way I could say everything I like about them or I'd be up all night.

That's all I can think of right now. Hopefully that will satisfy y'all for a little while. Recruitment's coming up so I won't be online a lot for a looong time.

Love y'all.
~Katy

Oh, yeah. I have a blog...

Sorry, guys. XP
I haven't been near the computer for any length of time in quite some weeks. Sorry, y'all.

ANYWAY
What I've been doing for the last few weeks. Well, I've been trying to get my brain fixed. Going well, so far. I've also been shooting with a few different photographers in my spare time. Want to see pics? Of course you do.

Here's from one shoot with Schofield Photography:

And from another shoot with Narciso Arguelles (these shots are unedited as of yet) :

Like em? So that's what I've been doing with my time. Free creds to my photogs, you both are great!

I know this blog isn't supposed to be just about my modeling career, but I just don't have the time or energy to sit here and type for very long. So look at my pretty face instead.

Oh, by the way, I have a new man now. His name is Nick. He's a sweet thing. Kind of excited about it.

Okay, that's all for now.

Love y'all.
~Katy

Oh the frustrations

Just in case anybody forgot I'm still incredibly single. And believe me, you can have it.
NOT ONLY do I have to put up with:
-absolute lack of self-confidence
-total insult of being repeatedly rejected
-loneliness in the middle of the night
-no one to cuddle with
-no reason to leave the house ever
I am also INCREDIBLY BORED. Because I have no one to text with any steady consistency. Because I share a blood supply with my phone and frequently use texting as a way to entertain myself for hours on end. Now I have no one to text for hours on end about nothing in particular, and I'm about ready to die of boredom. It sucks horribly. It takes about three good friends to replace the texting capability of one decent boyfriend. And I don't have too many good friends, so if one of them's busy, I'm outta luck.
But seriously y'all.
I need a new hobby. But one of the horrible things about being a girl and having depression is that there are very few things that are actually cool enough to drag my depressed little butt out of bed and even fewer things that I can actually do just me by myself whenever I feel like it. Besides the fact that I'm too untalented to do anything like painting or artistry or anything like that. So that just adds to my boredom.

So yeah. I'm bored.
Love y'all.
~Katy

SUPER GLAM YO

Sooo I did another shoot with Joey today!!!
Y'all remember Joey, right? He's my fabuluous gay friend who takes amazing pictures. Well today we did super glam pics with lots of makeup and huge false eyelashes. They were AWESOME. It was so much fun. And Joey has a tripod and remote control for his camera now, so he can be in the pictures while he's taking them at the same time, which is super cool!
So I got to take pictures with Joey. Which is awesome and heart-wrenching because he is JUST SO ATTRACTIVE but he's very very gay. Unfortunately for me. But at least I got to kind of act like we were a couple for the photoshoot, so that was good.

Oh, what? You want to see the pictures? WELL THEN. Here's just a little sample:

Yeah, that's Joey in the last one. Isn't he just the yummiest thing you've ever seen? But he likes boys. SAD DAY. The rest of the shoot are on both my Facebook and my DeviantArt. If you don't know how to access either of those, please add a comment and I'll tell you how to get to my DeviantArt. Because if you don't know how to add my Facebook you have a problem, and there's probably a reason we aren't already friends. Just kidding. But if you're a stranger I'd rather you look at my DeviantArt anyway.

So yeah. That's my super freaking awesome photoshoot with Joey. :D Yay Joey.

Love y'all.
~Katy

Proud Sister Moment

Okay, I'm going to try to refrain from doing this all in caps because I don't want to scream at you the whole time, but seriously this is kind of worth screaming about because it's just so awesome.

My amazing little sister, MG, is seriously the most TALENTED person on the planet. Yep, better than the whole world. Better than me, better than you. Sorry aboucha, but she's got you beat by a mile, I don't care who you are. She is THAT awesome.
So here's why she's so awesome.
I don't think I've blogged about her before, so I'll start at the beginning: she plays the alto sax. Yeah, that wouldn't normally be a big deal except she's like FREAKING AWESOME at it. She's so good at her sax! Gotten superior ratings at state contest every year she's taken a solo. Every year. Because she's amazing. She plays her sax for the Edmond Memorial Bulldog Band, and also for the Symphonic Winds honor band that meets at my college once a week during the school year. Yes, she is awesome. Oh, by the way, she's a freshman and she's beating out upperclassmen for chairs. AND she's in jazz band for next year (incoming freshmen aren't even allowed to audition for jazz band, so this was her first audition). And it's very exciting because there are only three spots and she's making it as a sophomore. Because she's awesome.
She ALSO plays the piano. She had a recital today for her piano lessons (which is extracurricular), and it was awesome. And she composes a little bit on the piano (not big stuff, of course, but little songs, which is still really good for someone her age!) And she's really good at the piano, too. She can even transcribe the chords for songs that don't have a chord chart online. She also plays the piano for the youth praise band at our church, which our youth leader has put her IN CHARGE of, as a freshman! Because she is so TALENTED and organized and a little bit bossy, which is good when you're in charge!
AAAND she's taught herself how to conduct. She can hold a beat like nobody's business. And she's so precise and doesn't follow anyone because she can hear the beat outside the music and can keep everybody in line and it's really super totally cool. Which leads me to the coolest thing about my super duper talented little sister:

SHE'S DRUM MAJOR!!!!!
Yeah, as a sophomore. That is a HUGE deal. For those of you who don't know much about the Bulldog Band, that may not make any sense. Basically our marching band is 200 strong and there are three drum majors, that are basically the conductors for all the football games' halftime shows, for their contest marching shows, everything. They OWN the marching band. And then in the off-season they're kind of like aids to the teachers. And making it as a sophomore is a HUGE DEAL because you're in charge of the ENTIRE band and you're what's keeping them on beat, so it's a giant tribute to just how amazingly talented my sister is.

BECAUSE SHE IS THE MOST AWESOME EVARRRSS.

Christian Rant for a Second

So for those of you who are reading this and don't know me, this is gonna be really liberal and really Christian. If you're offended, I offer my utmost apologies, but I sincerely hope you can see what I'm saying and not just the stereotypes that go with my faith.

THAT SAID, this might be a bit of a rant.

So I stumbled upon this Facebook group called The Christian Left. And I was like, "Yes! I'm not the only one? This is awesome!" So I started looking through all of their pictures, cuz that's how I creep on things on Facebook. I have no interest in their timeline or anything of that sort. I wanna see the pictures.
SO I start looking through all of their pictures, and most of them are text-base pictures that have something about their message on them, you know. Basically the platform of this group is saying, "Jesus said feed the hungry, heal the sick, and love everybody, so why are the conservatives, who are supposedly the more 'Christian' party, catering to the upper class and perpetuating hateful misconceptions?" and as I'm reading, I'm going, "Amen! Amen! Love everybody, yeah!" and of course I'm a liberal so all the stuff about keep abortion legal and let the gays get married and stuff makes me happy, too. Cuz honestly that kind of stuff that they do in the name of Christianity is just one of my pet peeves. "Oh, it says in the Bible that a man may not lie with a man like he does with a woman? Do you know WHERE in the Bible it says that? Cuz I know where. In the book of Leviticus. Have you READ the book of Leviticus? It's right after Exodus. It also says in the book of Leviticus that if you have a skin rash you need to go show yourself to the priest and quarantine yourself from society for seven days until the rash is gone. Do you quarantine yourself from society when you have a rash? Then why do you have such an issue with gays?" I mean, seriously. I'm not forcing you to have gay sex. I'm not forcing your women to get abortions. If you don't like that stuff, don't do it. Don't infringe upon my right to do as I please. I mean, I don't like pound cake. Am I going to tell you that you're not allowed to eat pound cake because I don't like it? No! Bad example, actually. I really like pound cake. Um, tomatoes. I hate tomatoes. My baby sister loves them. I do not infringe upon her right to love tomatoes. I will sit and watch her eat tomatoes, even though I hate them. MG, vouch for me here, have I ever told you that it is wrong for you to like tomatoes? Are  you going to Hell for liking tomatoes? NO.
But seriously y'all.
Okay, so back to Jesus, because we love people. I was having such a good time looking through these pictures, especially the ones that were really not even politically oriented that basically just said "Guys, Jesus said these two things were the most important: Love God, and love each other." So why do we all hate each other so much? Because we've disagreed about some tiny detail somewhere along the way? Really? Cuz honestly, I don't give a flying f*** (sorry bout that) what you believe in. Jesus said "love thy neighbor." Who is your neighbor, guys? Come on, I ain't talkin' about the people that live on either side of your house. I'm not talking about your sweet cousins and all the nice people that go to your church every Sunday all dressed up nice. I'm talking about the homeless guy on the corner. I'm talking about the people who don't look like you, who don't think like you. Oh, his skin is a different color than yours? Guess what. He's your neighbor. Oh, she's fifteen and pregnant and considering an abortion because she's scared to death of what the kids in high school will say about her? Do you know what that poor girl needs? Not a slap in the face with horrible labels and condemnations. That girl needs to be loved. Yes, she sinned. Guess what? SO DO YOU. Jesus said if you think look lustfully at someone you're just as guilty of adultery as that fifteen-year-old who's pregnant because she made a mistake, because someone told her they loved her and she believed them, but she forgot her birth control that morning, and now that boy that said he loved her won't speak to her because he says she's a "dirty slut." You, whoever you are, you who zoned out staring at some girl in class, wondering what she would look like without that low-cut shirt, yeah, you're just as guilty as that "dirty slut."
Now here's the best part.
YOU'RE BOTH FORGIVEN. And you're both loved. And Jesus doesn't care what you've done. He loves you. God loves you. You are His children, why wouldn't he love you? If your biological parents can forgive you for breaking a window because you played baseball inside the house, how much more will your Heavenly Father forgive you when you sin against Him? The lowest sinner on Earth is still a beloved child of God. And I'm not just talking about Christians, by the way. I mean the Muslim "terrorists," I mean the Jewish "Christ-killers," I mean the Buddhist "atheists." Yeah, all of them. Everything that breathes. All of creation is God's beloved. And no, by the way, not all Muslims are terrorists, not all Jews are Christ-killers (Jesus and His disciples were ALL Jewish), and while most Buddhists don't believe in an anthropomorphic "big man in the sky" kind of God, they are spiritual people. You may disagree with me on this, but personally I am convinced that every single person on the face of the Earth is an inherently GOOD PERSON. Yes, humans are fallible, but that's what Grace is for. And guess what. Divine Grace is infinite. There's no limit to how much you can receive. God isn't going to suddenly be like, "Ope, you've sinned too much now. No more grace for you. All out, sorry." No. You are infinitely forgiven.

GOD LOVES EVERYBODY, and I do my best every day to walk in His footsteps of love.


All right, rant over.
Love y'all.
Katy

Oh--feel free to comment, by the way. I'm really not as scary as I sound. I'll chat with you about this.

Attend the Tale of Sweeney Todd

YAAAS.
So my college just put on the most AMAZING performance of one of the most AMAZING musicals EVER.
For reals, though.
I'm sure you all know Sweeney Todd from the movie with Johnny Depp and Helena Bohnam Carter, but let me just say that the stage musical is a HUNDRED MILLION TIMES BETTER than that movie. And I love that movie. Love it.  So it isn't like I'm just saying that because I hate the movie. It's because the stage version is so amazingly wonderfully fantastic that even though the movie is great it just absolutely cannot hold a candle to the stage version, even though you can't do special effects onstage. I don't care. It is still a hundred million times better.
But seriously y'all.
They leave all the best songs out of the movie. Like the one that makes up the title of this post. There's an actual chorus in the stage version, that sings all these amazing songs that aren't in the movie. And I HATE that. Because it is the BEST SONG IN THE WHOLE SHOW and they took it out. They also cut down a lot of songs and took out freakin' all of poor little Johanna's songs, because she has this amazing duet with Antony that is totally not in the movie at all and it has a little reprise during the song "Johanna" while Sweeney's going on his killing spree and Antony's looking all over town for Johanna, she sings in that song, too. She does. But they took it out of the movie. Cuz they're stupid.
Because it's a stage show and they can take liberties like this, they made the setting steampunk. It was awesome. For the second half of the show Sweeney wore a top had with goggles on it. And the chorus were all dressed up in steampunk stuff with crazy makeup and everyone. And it was awesome.
ALSO
Everyone in the stage show is a lot crazier. Sweeney is much more outwardly crazy than he is in the movie (because, of course, it's a movie, and they can't have any overacting going on), but it just makes the show better and I really enjoyed the way our Sweeney played his character. He was a lot more fun to watch. And our Mrs. Lovett was wonderful. Her voice was a little heavier than Helena Bohnam Carter's is in the movie (and no, I don't care if I'm spelling her name wrong), but it suited the character much better, I thought. And there were a lot more funny bits in the stage show than in the movie. But it was still FREAKING SCARY which is how you know they've done a good job.
All in all, the show was AMAZING. AMAZING. I wish I could make the font bigger to demonstrate to you how amazing this show was. I loved it. Loved it.
And I love y'all.
Katy

Pitcherrrsss

Well, actually, pictures. Sorry, I'm not gonna talk about Tim Lincecum and Brian Wilson in this post (other than to quickly say that they are AWESOME), but I am going to talk about PICTURES. You know, the kind you take with a camera. For those of you who don't know, I have aspirations to be a part-time model. Just, you know, cuz I'm that beautiful. And because I absolutely love having my picture taken. So this week my lovely fabulous wonderful friend Joey took some shots of me, and they're kind of amazing. Mostly because he's probably the best photographer EVER, and because he loves me so much that the love just transfers through the camera. And he edits nicely. So put all those things together, and when he takes pictures of me, they're awesome.
We had such a good time, too. I love hanging out with him. He's just so precious and cute and happy all the time and we just get along so well. He's an absolute cutie, and he has no inhibitions about calling things as he sees them, especially about women, cuz he's not interested in women. XD Lulz. So when Joey tells you you're beautiful, he's not just saying that to get in your pants. He doesn't want in your pants. He just really thinks you're beautiful. And he's a fantastic photographer and makes it really easy to take great pictures with real smiles because he makes me laugh the whole time.
But seriously y'all.
(Are you annoyed with that yet? Cuz it ain't gonna stop!)
What's that?
You wanna SEE these amazing pictures?
Oh, very well. XD Here's a few of the best ones:

If you happen to be a fashion photographer (or know someone who is) and want to take my picture, I love to have my picture taken. XD And yes, Matthew, I am still working with your uncle. Don't worry.

So yeah. That's me. Ain't I purty?
Love y'all.
Katy

GAAAHH

There is a reason I am not a philosophy major. And I think there is now a reason that I will never take another philosophy class as long as I live. This Classics of Western Culture class is KICKING MY BUTT. I cannot deal with it. I can do the literature part of it, but the philosophy stuff is just so far over my head that I'm sure I just make a fool out of myself every day in this class. I wish Karl Marx had never learned how to read. He is the BANE of my existence. I can't DEAL with it. I just don't understand. I just freakin' don't understand it. I can't wrap my head around what he's saying.
Thank God I can have my laptop in this class. So I can get on Facebook and complain about how much I hate this class. And I can blog about it. Yes, I'm blogging during class again. I'm also texting under the table at the same time. I am a terrible student. But I'm still paying attention to what's going on in class, too, so it's not too bad. I promise. I'm being a good person.

EGGSES

Happy Easter, everybody! He is risen, He is risen indeed! Hosanna! Yay~!
Yeah. So my Easter went pretty well. Went to church in the morning, was only mildly bothered by my abusive ex showing up toting his fiancee around like a trophy and sitting through church with his iPhone out on Facebook and making snarky comments throughout the sermon and... Yeah. Only slightly bothered. Really, though, it didn't actually bother me. He's below my notice. But my poor baby sister had to sit by him and endure his obnoxiousness the whole time (which is the only reason I know he was making snarky comments in the service; I was out of earshot). But where I was sitting, I had a great time. Thought the sermon was very well done, the songs were good, everything was awesome.
Then after church we went over to my mom's sister's house to celebrate the secular holiday with my mom's family. This turned out to be more fun than I thought it would be. Since I get counted as both an adult and a kid right now in the pecking order of things, I get to laze around and talk about booze and school with the adults, and then I get to go hunt eggs with the kids when it's time to go outside. We all had hot dogs and burgers for dinner, including a pot luck of salads and other miscellaneous compositions. There was this one potato casserole thing that was really really good. Really unhealthy, I'm sure, but really really good. Which of course is how things like that work.
After we hunted eggs and emptied them all out (two of my cousins have four-year-olds, I'm the next oldest in line to have one), the boys decided it would be great fun to throw the empty plastic eggs at each other for the rest of the afternoon. Of course, one of their mothers thought this was quite a good sport, while the other one's grandfather (my uncle) did not think this a very good idea at all. So we had mixed signals coming from the authorities and the kids each decided to follow a different one. So one kid stopped throwing eggs and the other one started throwing harder. Ironically, the one that started throwing harder was the one whose grandfather was trying to get them to stop. Can't wait to have kids. Yay.
But seriously y'all.
I really do want kids. My kids will just be better-behaved than those two. And really, they weren't actually hurting each other. Those eggs are hollow, after all. So I'm not too put off by their antics. Woo.
Love y'all.
Katy

OMG ENROLLMENT TIME

I have to enroll for the fall semester this week. WHO'S EXCITED?! Well, by the looks of my schedule, not me. But I happen to know that I will have at least one friend in at least one class, and considering I know approximately half of the entire student population here on campus at least by name, I think I shall not be at a loss for friends in my classes.
So it looks like I'm gonna be taking more Spanish, another History course, Voice, Macroeconomics (so I can be more prepared when I become Empress of the World, of course), Biblical Analysis, and Biblical Hebrew. Yeah, I'm gonna learn to read Hebrew. I am that awesome. I was gonna take Pilates but that would put me at 17 hours and my scholarship doesn't cover that many. So I'll just go to the gym. NOT. Ha. I'm so funny. Oh, well. Maybe I'll get a gym buddy and we'll actually go. Bahahaha. We'll see.
But seriously y'all.
Schedule fun times. Excited. And single fun times. I didn't have to pay for anyone but myself to get into the caf today and I was kind of really excited. That sounds mean, but it's true. I like only having to pay for myself. So yeah. I'm single and scheduled. Woo!
Love y'all.
Katy

Sooo yeah

This is gonna be a crappy way to find out if you know me really well. Sorry aboucha.

Luis and I broke up. Not really much of a big deal except that I thought he was going to die. He kept trying to come up with different ways that he could keep a hold on me so he wouldn't have to lose me, but after a day and a night of various schemes that each gradually relinquished his grip on me, he agreed to just let me go. And I think he's gonna be okay. He needs God time, honestly. And dance time. And I think he'll get that better without me.
The next question of course after making an announcement like that is "Oh my gosh! Are you okay?" And the answer is Yes. I am fine. It was my idea to split and I feel better for it. It's a weight off my shoulders honestly, and a freedom I needed. I miss him, and I still like him a lot, but I think it's better for us to have time as our own people instead of as a couple. We were both starting to lose pieces of our identity to being in that relationship. And that's never good. So we're gonna be individuals now.
So everything's fine. And I'm single. So there you go.

SPROING

Spring has sprung, you guys. And guess what. It's AWESOME.
I spent so much time outside over spring break. All the time I wasn't sewing and it wasn't raining, I was napping in the sunshine. I freakin' love sunshine, and I want as much of it as possible. Luis doesn't want me to tan, but I love the sun too much to not go out in it any chance I get. So he can deal with having a tan girlfriend.
Now that spring break is over and I'm back on campus I'm spending all of my time between classes outside in the sun. There are lots of places around to sit so it's pretty easy to spend time outside. Except right now because I'm in class. Yes, that means I'm blogging in class. Shame on me. But I wanted to blog. And it's safer than texting because it looks like I'm taking notes. Well, not really, because I'm in math. But still.
But seriously y'all.
No, not really. I don't have much else to say other than that the sunshine is really nice and I love getting to wear shorts. The outdoors are so nappable it makes me happy. And I'm getting nice and brown (and a little pink because I haven't been using sunscreen) by spending so much time outside. Happy days.
Woo.
Love y'all.
Katy

So You Think You Can Dance

Yes, the TV show. My amazing boyfriend Luis is auditioning for it this weekend, so this week I'm helping him choreograph and clean all of his audition numbers. It's really the first time I've seen him seriously dance, and I have to say it's kind of the coolest thing I've ever seen. I mean, I'm totally impressed by dancers anyway, especially guys, and then when it's a guy who's as completely attractive as my boyfriend is, and he's letting me watch and help, it is just the most amazing thing ever.
So he's gonna be gone again this weekend, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do to amuse myself, but I'll think of something. I always do. I'll probably hang out with friends or sisters or maybe even go home and see my family. We'll just have to see. Anywho, I have to go to class now. I'll have a post sometime next week about midterms, I'm sure. Since I'm not actually studying for them I'll post something about them on here. Yeah. We'll see how that goes.
Love y'all.
<3
Katy

More Alpha Phi

SO!
No rest for the weary Alpha Phis, we're already charging full speed ahead into our next project, which is Spring Sing! It's a little like Homecoming Lip Sync except we're actually doing the singing. It's a ten minute  musical, basically, and all of it is SUPER SECRET because we don't want anyone to steal our ideas, so I'm not going to tell you a whole lot about it other than that it's gonna be SO TOTALLY AWESOME you won't even believe it. We're performing it next Wednesday at 9 pm. And we're gonna bring the house down. It's gonna be bomb.

Cupcakes

IT'S CARDIAC CARE WEEK, Y'ALL!
All the Phis are working overtime to raise as much money as we possibly can for the Alpha Phi Foundation and raise awareness for women's heart health. We have all sorts of events and stuff going on to raise money. On Monday of course we had the flash mob, then on Wednesday we had free Zumba in the house to help raise awareness of heart health. Then today we're selling cupcakes in the caf, and tomorrow is the big King of Hearts man pageant! Wooooo!
We Phis get to wear our red dresses for the man pageant and I'm really super excited. My dress is AWESOME. Maybe I'll post some pictures on here later. I look so good in that dress.
Love you guys.

FLASH MOB

So today I participated in a flash mob for Cardiac Care Week for Alpha Phi.
Cardiac Care is our philanthropy through the Alpha Phi foundation. We take care of women's heart health. It's our philanthropy. Coolest thing ever. And to advertise it, we did a flash mob in the caf today. It was amazing. So much fun. Girls dancing on the tables, everything. It was so cool.

Vanilla Ice Cream

So I have voice lessons on Friday.
I'm working on this song called Vanilla Ice Cream from a show called She Loves Me. It's really cute. It's about this girl who has apparently had some experiences with a guy who's been not so nice to her, and then the next time they hung out he bought her vanilla ice cream, so now she's all confused, "is he a dick like I thought or a nice guy?" and it's really funny and a fun song to sing, and it has this really high note at the end that's supposed to be all operatic and stuff and it's hilarious.
Well, to get me to put enough power behind this high note, my voice teacher has been giving me all these different things to do or think about while I'm singing this note. One week she had me try to lift the piano while I sang it because it makes me engage my abs which helps support the sound. Then last week she had me think about what I was singing, and basically told me, "She ain't singing about ACTUAL ice cream, you know."
Well, I giggled for about a minute and a half after she said that.
Then I sang the song. And the note sounded great.
Hooray for innuendos and their magical music powers.

Vitamin Water

So Lent is coming up, right? Ash Wednesday is next Wednesday. So I'm thinking of things I'm gonna give up for Lent. Luis and I are also gonna do some things together, so it'll make it easier on both of us. Cuz I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but I have the will power of a goldfish. Which is none, because goldfish don't even have conscious free will. So I gots my work cut out for me, especially with the goals I'm setting.
I'm giving up my morning coffee. That one might not actually be so hard, because I'm not giving up caffeine, just coffee. So if I absolutely absolutely need something in the mornings I can have some kind of soda, but I'm going to try and stick to just fruit juice and Vitamin Water. Y'know, that healthy stuff. See if it does me any good. I mean, I have a freshman 10 to get rid of.
The second part of my Lent resolution thing is to start going to the gym with Luis every Monday Wednesday Friday for about an hour or so. I'll probably just run for half of it and then to elliptical for the second half and not lift weights like he does, but still hopefully I will start chipping away at that freshman 10. Maybe I'll even start doing crunches in my room after I stretch after I run. I stretch after I run because that's when your muscles are the most warmed up which means they're the most stretchy, so I can make more progress if I stretch after I run. But I only stretch in my room, first because there's no floor space at the gym here, and second because my lack of stretchiness is so embarrassing I don't want to do it in front of all those fit workout people. Which Luis thinks is silly, but I'm very self-conscious, so I don't want all of those fit people looking at me and going, "Jeez, what is she doing? Trying to touch her toes?" No thanks. I'll struggle to touch my toes where nobody can see me.

So those are my goals. No coffee, and working out. Hopefully I'll be a healthier, happier person because of it. Yay.