Well

So far, the pills do not work.

I had a horrible manic attack today, and I did something I have never done before in my entire life, and I hope I will never do again.
I skipped a class.
For no other reason than that I was so angry at the moment that I knew I would not be able to get through that class without standing up and screaming my throat out at the person next to me. But that person doesn't read this blog. He doesn't care about me in the slightest. I might annoy him. I'm not sure. I can't figure him out, but I know he doesn't give a s*** about me. That I know for sure, and I wish he would quit toying with me and just go away.
You know how sometimes you wish you could just erase a person from your memory? My life would be so much better if he had never been in it. Or if everything had ended over the summer and he'd gone away after that. He's twisting my brain around in directions I thought I had decided not to go.

Yes, my codependency is getting worse.
I don't like it.
I'm supposed to be better.
So why does he have to go and make me feel like dirt all the time?!

I'M NOT DIRT, I'M NOT DIRT, I'M NOT DIRT.

And I don't belong to him. He doesn't even want me. He probably hates me. I don't know why I CAN'T STAND the fact that he doesn't like me. Why doesn't he like me? What's wrong with me? Am I not attractive? Why?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? There must be something wrong with me.