The Wanderer

God is just so patient with me.
All the time.
It's a good thing, too, because I am notorious for wandering in search of affirmation.

He lets me go as I please.
He endures my wretched screaming and two-year-old temper tantrums when I can't find the satisfaction I seek in the earthly things around me.
Then, when I turn back to Him for the thousandth time and say, "Oh, you have what I'm looking for, huh? I'm sorry I wandered again..." He scoops me into His arms and holds me and kisses me and reminds me, for the thousandth time, "You are my precious Child, the Beloved, and I delight in you."

Then, the next day when I've wandered again and I scream up at Him in frustration, "Remind me who I am!" He screams back, "You are MY CHILD, and I LOVE YOU!"

And the day after that when I've gone and run away again searching for something I can hold in my hands that will tell me that I am valuable, something that can wrap its arms around me and tell me that I'm worth something, and I lash out at the things around me for not having what I want, God watches quietly,  and gently places some little reminder in my life that says, "Hey. You're my baby girl, and I'm proud of you."
And I stop in my tracks, let out a breath and smile, shaking my head. "I ran away again, didn't I?"
"It's all right, my Child. You're back now, and I love you."
"I love you, too."

And every time I turn back to God and find that He's still standing right there, very patiently waiting for me to return and allow Him to love me again, I'm struck by just how patient the Lord must be to endure the constant abuse of my continual abandonment. I mean, obviously He's powerful enough that He could keep me to Himself if He wanted to. But He doesn't. He simply allows me to wander off on the repetitive and fruitless attempts to find something in the material world that will affirm my worth. He never gets frustrated with me and yells at me, "Don't you get it?!" He never rolls his eyes or thinks I'm stupid. He just sighs and waits patiently, receiving me back into His arms with love and affirmation the same on the tenth time as on the millionth time.

My God has so much patience with me.

Maybe eventually I'll learn how not to let my eyes wander.
That'll be the day, won't it?