I'm so lonely I've given up missing the people who can come to me.
My claws reach for motorcycles, in desperate need of feminism.
The more I check my phone, the fewer ghosts kiss my eyelids.
I want you to kiss me.
Fire hurts, and that's why I turn my eyes to champagne when you look at them.
I'd let you bruise me.
Every motion of your fingers is enough to distract me for days.
Is it possible to be in love with your best friend and only kiss on the cheek forever?
You're going to die, and I don't want to be there when it happens.
But I can't stand not having you in my sight every second of the day.
---
The first in my poetry collection of blog posts. Expect more weirdness like this.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Tell me again about the rabbits...
I'm considering beginning to post random chunks of poetry on this blog just for fun. I mean, a whole two people read this so I don't know why I even bother sometimes.
Matthew, I hope you know how freaking much I love you that I keep writing this thing for you. It's my little online diary just for you.
My sister doesn't even read it anymore.
She read all of my posts a little while ago because she had a nightmare that I posted on here that I was pregnant and everyone knew before her because they all read my blog and she didn't. But then she saw me the next day and I confirmed that I was not actually pregnant, so she stopped reading again.
Not that I blame her, she's awfully busy being incredibly awesome super talented drum major self. No big deal.
Have you ever had that person that you just can't stand to not have in your life but you're not sure why? Mine's back in my life. I'm really glad. Both of them, actually. And I lurvs them both. One of them's you, Matthew, so gimme a smile. The other one doesn't read this blog. GASP OF SHOCK. Not really.
My clock fell off my wall. Again. This time it's because it was actually too heavy for the hook I used. Broke the hook in half. Craziness. So I have it on a bigger hook now. Hopefully now it will stay on my wall.
I'm drowning in coursework. I can't keep everything straight. I'm missing due dates already. It's killing me. I need to keep my scholarship.
Anyway.
Love you all.
Katy
Matthew, I hope you know how freaking much I love you that I keep writing this thing for you. It's my little online diary just for you.
My sister doesn't even read it anymore.
She read all of my posts a little while ago because she had a nightmare that I posted on here that I was pregnant and everyone knew before her because they all read my blog and she didn't. But then she saw me the next day and I confirmed that I was not actually pregnant, so she stopped reading again.
Not that I blame her, she's awfully busy being incredibly awesome super talented drum major self. No big deal.
Have you ever had that person that you just can't stand to not have in your life but you're not sure why? Mine's back in my life. I'm really glad. Both of them, actually. And I lurvs them both. One of them's you, Matthew, so gimme a smile. The other one doesn't read this blog. GASP OF SHOCK. Not really.
My clock fell off my wall. Again. This time it's because it was actually too heavy for the hook I used. Broke the hook in half. Craziness. So I have it on a bigger hook now. Hopefully now it will stay on my wall.
I'm drowning in coursework. I can't keep everything straight. I'm missing due dates already. It's killing me. I need to keep my scholarship.
Anyway.
Love you all.
Katy
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Mk guys
It's late, and I shouldn't be blogging.
But I just wanted to add a little comment on here about how much I love being a religion major and how much I can't wait to get further into my schooling and my classes.
But I'm really tired.
It's a lot of work, and I'm not really great at reading for long periods of time, because it makes me fall asleep. Inexplicably.
But I have discovered that if I play music while I read, although it slows my progress a little bit, it keeps me awake, so I can read for longer at a time. Which actually makes me more productive even though I read slower.
So that helps.
I read for like four hours today.
And I'm writing a story.
I will post the entirety of it on this blog when it is finished.
It is a devotional story, so it will be about God and my take on life and God.
Wanted to tell you guys about that.
I can't wait to learn all about the Bible. It's so awesome. I love God so freaking much, you guys.
So freaking much.
And He loves us.
Oh, how He loves us.
Amen.
Love y'all,
Katy
But I just wanted to add a little comment on here about how much I love being a religion major and how much I can't wait to get further into my schooling and my classes.
But I'm really tired.
It's a lot of work, and I'm not really great at reading for long periods of time, because it makes me fall asleep. Inexplicably.
But I have discovered that if I play music while I read, although it slows my progress a little bit, it keeps me awake, so I can read for longer at a time. Which actually makes me more productive even though I read slower.
So that helps.
I read for like four hours today.
And I'm writing a story.
I will post the entirety of it on this blog when it is finished.
It is a devotional story, so it will be about God and my take on life and God.
Wanted to tell you guys about that.
I can't wait to learn all about the Bible. It's so awesome. I love God so freaking much, you guys.
So freaking much.
And He loves us.
Oh, how He loves us.
Amen.
Love y'all,
Katy
Monday, August 20, 2012
OCUPROBS
Mk.
I know this school ain't known for its convenience. But REALLY.
They couldn't fix the shower over the summer instead of five days after I'd already moved in?
I have moved living spaces THREE TIMES in the last two weeks. Once from home to what I thought was my dorm, once from what I thought was my dorm to what was actually my dorm (that one was actually just my mistake; I read the numbers on the door wrong LOL but really), and then once BACK OUT OF my dorm and back home. So I will have to move AGAIN before the week is over. Hopefully before the week is over. Which means by next month. I have no faith in the school right now.
And just in case you weren't aware, MOVING SUCKS. I have zero upper body strength and I am very small to begin with, so I'm moving things that have as much or more mass than I do, generally speaking with only one person to help (maybe two, if some of my sisters want to lend me a hand), and sometimes all by myself because I'm too prideful to ask for help.
But seriously y'all. OverCommittedUniversity has become OppositeofConvenientUniversity. It's just SO ANNOYING. I mean, what were they doing all summer that they couldn't come replace the shower? ARGH.
On an unrelated note, classes started today and I get to have one class a week with my bestest friend from high school, a Mr. Matthew Hewes. Yay! He let me hug him today. Which is the first time I've hugged him with permission, and only the second time ever. Last time I didn't ask first. But he's had a year of basic training and does tae kwon do (yes, I'm sure I spelled that wrong, but you know what I'm talking about), and so it is probably not a good idea to be invading his space without asking.\
...I need to clip my nails. For serious.
Oh, and Matthew, the heels didn't even make it all day. I'm going to Evensong in sweatpants.
Love y'all.
~Katy
I know this school ain't known for its convenience. But REALLY.
They couldn't fix the shower over the summer instead of five days after I'd already moved in?
I have moved living spaces THREE TIMES in the last two weeks. Once from home to what I thought was my dorm, once from what I thought was my dorm to what was actually my dorm (that one was actually just my mistake; I read the numbers on the door wrong LOL but really), and then once BACK OUT OF my dorm and back home. So I will have to move AGAIN before the week is over. Hopefully before the week is over. Which means by next month. I have no faith in the school right now.
And just in case you weren't aware, MOVING SUCKS. I have zero upper body strength and I am very small to begin with, so I'm moving things that have as much or more mass than I do, generally speaking with only one person to help (maybe two, if some of my sisters want to lend me a hand), and sometimes all by myself because I'm too prideful to ask for help.
But seriously y'all. OverCommittedUniversity has become OppositeofConvenientUniversity. It's just SO ANNOYING. I mean, what were they doing all summer that they couldn't come replace the shower? ARGH.
On an unrelated note, classes started today and I get to have one class a week with my bestest friend from high school, a Mr. Matthew Hewes. Yay! He let me hug him today. Which is the first time I've hugged him with permission, and only the second time ever. Last time I didn't ask first. But he's had a year of basic training and does tae kwon do (yes, I'm sure I spelled that wrong, but you know what I'm talking about), and so it is probably not a good idea to be invading his space without asking.\
...I need to clip my nails. For serious.
Oh, and Matthew, the heels didn't even make it all day. I'm going to Evensong in sweatpants.
Love y'all.
~Katy
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Fourth Grade Science
IT'S TRUE, Y'ALL.
Do you guys remember this, I learned it in elementary school (so I just picked fourth grade because it was a particularly horrible year for me), that when you look at someone to whom you are naturally and genuinely attracted, you pupils dilate? I remember staring at every guy's eyeballs for weeks after I learned that to see if anyone liked me.
WELL,
For the first time in my life I experienced this scientific fact in person. Nick and I were hanging together, having some pretty intense soul-bearing conversations (you know the kind that you have when you're sensing that the relationship is starting to get kinda serious and they want to know all of your dirty little secrets and help you carry your baggage, yeah, that kind) and we lock eyes for a minute, and I am absolutely shocked to see his pupils practically double in size within about two seconds. I mean, holy WOW.
In my head I was kind of like, "Well, maybe the light was in his eyes or something," which is totally inaccurate because if the light was in his eyes his pupils would have shrunk, but I couldn't think of any other way to rationalize what had just happened, so I break eye contact to give him like a hug or a kiss on the cheek or something, I don't remember. We chat for a little while longer, and then the very next time we make meaningful eye contact, his pupils go WHOOM. Huge. Instantly. I couldn't get over it. Every single time he looked at me his pupils exploded.
I mean, how incredibly amazing is that? As if I needed another reason to believe that this guy isn't a lying manipulative heartless dick-brained asshole like the rest of the male population that shows interest in me, every time he looks at me he proves that the science I learned in fifth grade isn't all bogus. I mean, his pupils got HUGE. Every time. I wanted to cry I was so happy. I couldn't stop hugging him. So happy.
So, I'm not gonna make any predictions or anything, but I have a cautiously really good feeling about this guy. Still cautious, though. I mean, technically I had a good feeling about Travis for the first six months, too. But I have better skills now, and I still don't need anybody. That's a big difference between then and now. I don't need a guy now. I just like having one. So, I mean, I think I'm set.
And I'm pretty sure my pupils dilate when I look at Nick, too. Jus' sayin'.
Love y'all.
Katy
Do you guys remember this, I learned it in elementary school (so I just picked fourth grade because it was a particularly horrible year for me), that when you look at someone to whom you are naturally and genuinely attracted, you pupils dilate? I remember staring at every guy's eyeballs for weeks after I learned that to see if anyone liked me.
WELL,
For the first time in my life I experienced this scientific fact in person. Nick and I were hanging together, having some pretty intense soul-bearing conversations (you know the kind that you have when you're sensing that the relationship is starting to get kinda serious and they want to know all of your dirty little secrets and help you carry your baggage, yeah, that kind) and we lock eyes for a minute, and I am absolutely shocked to see his pupils practically double in size within about two seconds. I mean, holy WOW.
In my head I was kind of like, "Well, maybe the light was in his eyes or something," which is totally inaccurate because if the light was in his eyes his pupils would have shrunk, but I couldn't think of any other way to rationalize what had just happened, so I break eye contact to give him like a hug or a kiss on the cheek or something, I don't remember. We chat for a little while longer, and then the very next time we make meaningful eye contact, his pupils go WHOOM. Huge. Instantly. I couldn't get over it. Every single time he looked at me his pupils exploded.
I mean, how incredibly amazing is that? As if I needed another reason to believe that this guy isn't a lying manipulative heartless dick-brained asshole like the rest of the male population that shows interest in me, every time he looks at me he proves that the science I learned in fifth grade isn't all bogus. I mean, his pupils got HUGE. Every time. I wanted to cry I was so happy. I couldn't stop hugging him. So happy.
So, I'm not gonna make any predictions or anything, but I have a cautiously really good feeling about this guy. Still cautious, though. I mean, technically I had a good feeling about Travis for the first six months, too. But I have better skills now, and I still don't need anybody. That's a big difference between then and now. I don't need a guy now. I just like having one. So, I mean, I think I'm set.
And I'm pretty sure my pupils dilate when I look at Nick, too. Jus' sayin'.
Love y'all.
Katy
Friday, August 3, 2012
Long series of short comments
A couple (*one) of my friends has been requesting more posts on here lately, so I'm gonna go ahead and just start typing and hope I can think of something interesting to say.
I shall begin with an amusing anecdote.
My sister had a band exhibition today and it was lovely. I was so proud of her and her little drum major self. She is the bee's knees. She directed, she carried the metronome around, and she marched and generally was just totally awesome. Then afterward I was chatting with one of her friends who's a total goofball, and while we were talking the staff dumped the water coolers out onto the track, which is made of red rubber stuff, and it made the track all shiny. Plus the sun was setting so it was reflecting on the water and making it silvery, and it just didn't look clear. So he said, "I'm not sure that's water," and I looked at it and it was all shiny and red and I said, (in a really creepy voice) "It's blooood." Well Collin gave me this look, and I thought he was going to say something along the lines of, "That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard," or "You're so gross," or something like that, and instead he says to me in the most serious voice, "Um, unicorn blood maybe. It's silver." As if it were the most obvious thing in the world. And it made me laugh. He really is a most wonderful thing. I love him.
My sister has the goofiest tan line on her legs because she wears braces on both knees because her knees are crooked. So now she has knee brace tans, and it's the cutest thing I've ever seen.
I'm seeing this guy named Nick now. He's a cutie. He's super sweet to me. Sometimes he seems a little slow, but he's a crazy nice person, which is good enough for me. Anybody who doesn't treat me like a piece of meat.
I made a dress this week. It's white and it has a collar. I don't know if you've ever tried to make a collar before, but IT IS REALLY HARD. It has all sorts of crazy steps and tucks and turns and it's really crazy. But the dress is gorgeous and it's all done and I'm happy.
I'm getting really tired of all the hateful politics on my Facebook. It's driving my crazy. I'm so tired of everyone being mad at everyone else. Why can't we all just get over ourselves and learn how to say, "That's fine. Let's talk about something else"? I mean, Nick isn't religious. He doesn't go to church. He doesn't worship my God. And guess what? WE GET ALONG JUST FINE. He lets me talk about my faith, says something like, "That's interesting," or "I think it's so hot that you can defend your views with well thought-out commentary." And then he might ask a question or we talk about something else. If he had a different faith I'd let him talk about it to me, but he's pretty just...areligious. He just doesn't have a faith, you know? So there's not really anything to describe. So it is possible to get along with someone who has different beliefs as long as you can manage to suppress the urge to just get mad at them for no reason.
I feel like I haven't loved people enough this summer. I got that song stuck in my head the other day, "And they'll know we are Christians by our love," and it made me remember all those people that would say, "That person is so nice, they're such a strong Christian, they're really nice to everybody," and it made me feel like I have somehow fallen short in my Christian love (not that it takes much to make me feel like a failure), but I really want to start being more loving towards people, but then I just have way too much emotional personal space to actually be nice to everyone because half the people I talk to make me feel really awkward so I make up some weird excuse to not talk to them. I'm such a hypocrite. How am I ever going to be a pastor? I can only talk to perfect people.
RECRUITMENT IS COMING UP. I'm excited. I'm gonna get littles. Or little. My pledge class is so big that if the incoming pledge class isn't big enough not everyone who wants twins will get them. I hope I get twins. I need double the surface area upon which to lavish my adoration.
So I just began this project on Facebook. I posted this status that said anybody who "likes" or comments on my status I will send them a message with everything that I like about them. Or some of the things anyway. Most people there's no way I could say everything I like about them or I'd be up all night.
That's all I can think of right now. Hopefully that will satisfy y'all for a little while. Recruitment's coming up so I won't be online a lot for a looong time.
Love y'all.
~Katy
I shall begin with an amusing anecdote.
My sister had a band exhibition today and it was lovely. I was so proud of her and her little drum major self. She is the bee's knees. She directed, she carried the metronome around, and she marched and generally was just totally awesome. Then afterward I was chatting with one of her friends who's a total goofball, and while we were talking the staff dumped the water coolers out onto the track, which is made of red rubber stuff, and it made the track all shiny. Plus the sun was setting so it was reflecting on the water and making it silvery, and it just didn't look clear. So he said, "I'm not sure that's water," and I looked at it and it was all shiny and red and I said, (in a really creepy voice) "It's blooood." Well Collin gave me this look, and I thought he was going to say something along the lines of, "That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard," or "You're so gross," or something like that, and instead he says to me in the most serious voice, "Um, unicorn blood maybe. It's silver." As if it were the most obvious thing in the world. And it made me laugh. He really is a most wonderful thing. I love him.
My sister has the goofiest tan line on her legs because she wears braces on both knees because her knees are crooked. So now she has knee brace tans, and it's the cutest thing I've ever seen.
I'm seeing this guy named Nick now. He's a cutie. He's super sweet to me. Sometimes he seems a little slow, but he's a crazy nice person, which is good enough for me. Anybody who doesn't treat me like a piece of meat.
I made a dress this week. It's white and it has a collar. I don't know if you've ever tried to make a collar before, but IT IS REALLY HARD. It has all sorts of crazy steps and tucks and turns and it's really crazy. But the dress is gorgeous and it's all done and I'm happy.
I'm getting really tired of all the hateful politics on my Facebook. It's driving my crazy. I'm so tired of everyone being mad at everyone else. Why can't we all just get over ourselves and learn how to say, "That's fine. Let's talk about something else"? I mean, Nick isn't religious. He doesn't go to church. He doesn't worship my God. And guess what? WE GET ALONG JUST FINE. He lets me talk about my faith, says something like, "That's interesting," or "I think it's so hot that you can defend your views with well thought-out commentary." And then he might ask a question or we talk about something else. If he had a different faith I'd let him talk about it to me, but he's pretty just...areligious. He just doesn't have a faith, you know? So there's not really anything to describe. So it is possible to get along with someone who has different beliefs as long as you can manage to suppress the urge to just get mad at them for no reason.
I feel like I haven't loved people enough this summer. I got that song stuck in my head the other day, "And they'll know we are Christians by our love," and it made me remember all those people that would say, "That person is so nice, they're such a strong Christian, they're really nice to everybody," and it made me feel like I have somehow fallen short in my Christian love (not that it takes much to make me feel like a failure), but I really want to start being more loving towards people, but then I just have way too much emotional personal space to actually be nice to everyone because half the people I talk to make me feel really awkward so I make up some weird excuse to not talk to them. I'm such a hypocrite. How am I ever going to be a pastor? I can only talk to perfect people.
RECRUITMENT IS COMING UP. I'm excited. I'm gonna get littles. Or little. My pledge class is so big that if the incoming pledge class isn't big enough not everyone who wants twins will get them. I hope I get twins. I need double the surface area upon which to lavish my adoration.
So I just began this project on Facebook. I posted this status that said anybody who "likes" or comments on my status I will send them a message with everything that I like about them. Or some of the things anyway. Most people there's no way I could say everything I like about them or I'd be up all night.
That's all I can think of right now. Hopefully that will satisfy y'all for a little while. Recruitment's coming up so I won't be online a lot for a looong time.
Love y'all.
~Katy
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